Ah, the next step in the relationship: engaged to be married. Some people date for years before they put a ring on it. “I knew from the moment I saw her, I was going to marry her.” It’s a line we hear in many romantic shows.
The reality is, whether you ‘just knew’ from the start or not, the smart thing to do is consider where you stand emotionally and financially. There’s more to getting engaged than being in love. Here are some things to consider before popping / or accepting the question.
Nobody is Perfect
If you’re thinking that the perfect person exists, here’s a reality check: they don’t. There may be a few bad habits or flaws that your partner has. Don’t look for perfection, look for compatibility. No one journeys through life without some imperfections. We’re like puzzle pieces, right? I’m jagged here and there, and my partner’s jagged edges fit perfectly with mine. By the time you’re ready to accept an engagement or ask for their hand in marriage, this acceptance and respect should be reciprocal. If you’re not ready and you marry each other with the intent of changing that person, you’re in for a long road. It’s a huge burden to attach yourself to behaviors that you don’t control. Decide now.
“I find the best way to love someone, is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” – Steve Maraboli
It’s all about friendship right? Steve Maraboli says that endless love is fueled by endless friendship. Friends love and support each other, they’re honest with each other, they have fun together, and they encourage each other. Can you believe that some marriages start with being madly in love and end with hating each other? What went wrong? Keeping your love alive and thriving requires a steady foundation of friendship. So ask yourself, are the two of you friends? You may love each other, but do you LIKE each other?
You Both Want to Get Married
It seems kind of silly when you think about it, but you should really discuss if you even want to get married before you pop the question / accept the proposal. By the time you’re ready to be engaged, the conversation about your future should have already taken place. Now on to the ring… guys, I know you want to give your fiance the ring she deserves. Talk to her about what she wants in a ring if you’re feeling confused about the cut, or size, or color. Most women have an idea of what they want, gold or platinum, princess cut or square.
Communication is Vital
The main contributor to a good relationship is communication. Communication is the building blocks of a great friendship. Are you allowing your relationship to become stagnant? Communicate with your words and with your actions. Steve Maraboli always says, ‘I know what it sounds like, but what does it look like?’ What does communicating I love you with your actions look like? What does I’m sorry look like? How do you express your gratitude? Your support? This is NOT a one-dimensional world. Communicate with your words and actions. Don’t just SAY – SHOW.
“If you love someone… feel it, speak it, show it, be it. Do more than tell them… show them. Let them feel your dedicated respect and your unwavering devotion. Ensure that your commitment and passion are known and unquestionable. Show them what they mean to you… what they are to you. And… if you don’t’ feel inspired to show your love in this multidimensional manner… be kind enough to let them go… so they can find someone who will.” – Steve Maraboli
Being truthful about who you are, and what you want. Encourage honest conversations without judgment. Are you ready to be engaged or is this ‘just the next step’? Have you talked about your future as individuals and how that blends in as a vision for your relationship? Don’t lie about what you want or don’t want in the future. If you don’t want kids, or you’re not sure about wanting kids, make it known. Honesty is more than lying about who ate that last cookie. It’s about being raw and vulnerable about who you are and what you want.
The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Steve Maraboli International.