I have done some deplorable things. I have behaved in ways that make me disgusted and embarrassed at the same time.
I used to think saying sorry was enough. I used to feel that since I was incredibly kind and generous 99% of my life, that the 1% in which I was horrible didn’t carry as much weight… as though there was some sort of general balance on a scale. It was a very egocentric way of looking at things and a great way for me to be a coward who can continue his cycle of toxic behavior.
What that selfish perspective kept me from seeing was that for some people, that 1% bad behavior was 100% of their interaction with me. It’s no wonder a simple, “I’m sorry” did nothing to ease the pain I caused; nor affect the cycle of my behavior.
Personal growth isn’t always pretty or poetic. Sometimes, it’s an appalling realization that you’re an asshole… a moment of clarity that inspires the kick in the ass you need to make changes.
Don’t just say… SHOW!
When a person matures, “sorry”, comes to life. Its emphasis is placed on demonstration more than vocalization. I learned that until that moment of clarity, you’re exponentially more likely to continue the poisonous behavior.
When “sorry” becomes a verb, behavior is changed and healing can begin.
Snippet from “Whispers of Genius; Echoes of Madness” (April 2020)