I love with all my heart.
I give with all my heart.
I am flawed. At times, I fall short. I sometimes endeavor greatly and fail. I make mistakes… But I mean well, and I care, always.
Maybe that’s why I find that there is a particular kind of heartbreak that comes from realizing someone wasn’t checking on your heart… they were checking on your availability.
I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this.
It’s been said, “You’ll end up really disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you.” There is so much truth there.
You thought the call meant, “How are you?”
Eventually you realized it meant, “Are you still there when I need you?” “Can you still give me what I need from you?” “Are you still useful (which really means use-able)?”
And that realization can make you question years of relationships. How many times did they reach out simply because they missed you? How often were they curious about your life when they didn’t need anything from you? Would the relationship have survived if you stopped solving problems, providing comfort, opening doors, offering opportunities, making introductions, giving advice, forgiving behavior, or always being the dependable one?
Sometimes the clearest way to understand your place in someone’s life is to stop performing the function you’ve always performed for them.
Stop rescuing.
Stop fixing.
Stop initiating.
Stop carrying.
Stop proving your usefulness.
Then watch what remains.
Because healthy relationships are not built on usefulness. Your value to someone should not disappear the moment your utility does.
There are people who will sit beside you when you have nothing to offer them. No solution. No connection. No favor. No strength. No entertaining version of yourself. They don’t need you to perform… they simply value your presence.
Those are your people.
And maybe one of the hardest lessons in life is learning the difference between being needed and being loved.
They can feel remarkably similar… until the day you are no longer useful.
If you’re going through this, I’m sending hugs.
Steve Maraboli
