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Friday, September 11

Some People Will Never Forgive You for What They Did to You

One of the strangest things about being hurt by someone is realizing they may eventually resent you for surviving it.

That’s right… Some people are mad at you because they threw you under the bus and you survived. 

Your pain reminds them of what they did. Your boundaries remind them there were consequences. Your distance reminds them that access to you was never guaranteed. And instead of sitting with the discomfort of accountability, some people rewrite the story until somehow your reaction becomes the problem and their behavior becomes a footnote.

Like a mental contortionist, they have mastered the art of somehow making their malignant behavior and heroic form of self defense. They will find a way to shape a story into seeing themselves as the victim AND the hero. 

Some are even manipulators that no matter how dirty they did you, they spin a story to convince others that their hands are clean. They are masters of malice and the smear campaign… Their ability to keep their hands clean regardless of how dirty they do you is impressive… They should have a soap named after them. 

It’s nasty, hurtful, disorienting, and confusing. That is why closure can be so difficult with certain people. You keep waiting for acknowledgement from someone whose entire emotional survival depends on avoiding it.

So stop waiting for the apology that would require a level of honesty they most likely will never possess. You do not need their confession to validate your experience. You do not need their agreement to justify your boundaries. And you certainly do not need their forgiveness for finally protecting yourself from what they did.

Sometimes the person who hurt you will carry more resentment toward your healing than remorse for your pain.

Heal anyway.

 

Steve Maraboli